I sat on some cushions in front of my wood stove, eyes closed, my breathing slow and steady.

It was January, and anywhere but this spot in my old Vermont farmhouse was cold and drafty. Life as I knew it was falling apart. My marriage was disintegrating, the lives of my children were about to change forever, and I couldn’t see to the other side of the deep abyss I was about to cross. But 10 minutes into this meditation, my body entered a state of ecstatic bliss that altered the course of my life forever.

I was a terrible meditator. I had avoided it most of my life, other than the occasional new year’s resolution to get serious about it, which would last all of about a week—if that. Like many, I had a hard time turning down the volume on my chattering brain. But during this time of crisis, I stopped judging how I was going about it and just let myself sit in stillness for 15-20 minutes each night after the kids went to bed. It was the only thing that helped me tune into my inner sense of direction, the only thing keeping me from coming unglued.

For years I had felt like I was living in a dark shadow. A haze was always hanging over me. I would get upset quickly, over silly little things with my husband.

I had lost that spark, that joy that comes so naturally when you’re a child. But seems to disappear when you grow up. I was just so tired.

This particular night, I had started with a guided meditation that I’d found online by a “Meditation Alchemist” named Thomas Mack.

The meditation related to raising feminine ecstasy energy, and I thought I would give it a try. I visualized the energy swirling and raising as best I could following his guided instructions. Then I focused my breathing with intention to move the energy up my spine.

A few minutes after completing the structured part of the visualization, as I settled back into my breathing, a warm and pleasurable sensation began to stir in my pelvis. The sensation intensified over the next several minutes, radiating out from my pelvis to my abdomen, my legs, my heart and out through my arms and fingertips. It pulsed and it swelled in waves. The pleasure was more intense than anything I had ever felt before even in bed with my husband. The pleasure lasted for what felt like hours, but was probably closer to 20 minutes.

It has been nearly a year since that first ecstatic experience by my wood stove. The journey from that moment to this one has healed decades of a disillusionment that I didn’t even realize had taken root, and that had shut me down.

My odyssey helped ground me in myself in a way that helped me weather the grief and guilt of divorce. And it provided me with faith that joy thrived on the other side of that dark abyss, even though I couldn’t see it. Through this experience I have found a new sense of purpose, happiness and bliss in my life.

I hope that by sharing this experience, it will help other women realize that they too can learn to engage profoundly with their ecstasy energy. Once awakened, this energy can transform not only our relationships with our partners, but more importantly, our relationship with ourselves.

Thomas Mack occasionally guides online Ecstasy meditations sessions.

Check this link to see if any are available.

Your friend,

S.M.